Sunday, March 8, 2015

Feelings of An Early Returned Missionary

As a return missionary you go through so many transitions and emotions, but as a missionary who comes home early you have the same transitions but twice the emotions. There are days where you are glad to be home, days when you miss the mission, days you feel like this was part of the plan, and days where you feel guilty and like a failure.
It was hard for me to accept that this was my trial, I have always wanted to serve a mission since the day I met with the missionaries for myself. And when I was out in the mission field I loved what I was doing, every second. There was hard days of course, but overall I felt at home, like it was truly my calling and that it was something I was good at. So when I found out I was coming home I didn't understand. I kept asking why me. I was obedient, I was working hard, I loved the people, I felt I was doing everything the Lord asked of me.
But after being home for a while I realized that's just it...the Lord knew that I would go out there and give as much as myself as I could do answer my call. He knew that I would work hard and put my wants aside. He knew that my trial on my mission would be coming home early, not a companion I didn't get along with, not an area where no one was listening, not being home sick. He knew that in order for me to learn what He wanted me to on my mission it included me coming home after five months. I have come to accept that He knows best for me and that He doesn't give me anything I can't handle.
I have realized that my emotions are normal. And those moments when I get frustrated and ask why me, I should be saying thank you for having enough faith in me for this trial, and now I'm going to do everything I can to have enough faith in you to get me through it.Christ never leaves us, He is always there to help us and we have to let Him. We have to do the things to invite Him.
I like to think of my mission as a growing experience and something that I put all my energy in to. It's been a hard transition and trial but I am thankful for the things that I have learned from it. And that to me is worth every minute and every emotion I go through. Like my favorite song says right now, "And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say...
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived" (One Republic- I Lived)

Thats how I want to look at my mission.

There have been so many things that have helped me cope with how I am feeling. From family and friends, scriptures, institute, the temple, support groups, videos, etc. I am thankful to know that I am not alone and to have so many resources to remind myself that coming home early is okay and not something to feel ashamed or guilty about. Below is a link to the latest video that has helped me:

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